just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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