so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
