Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.