I just threw up on my dentist
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
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my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
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I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?