It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
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is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
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He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...