no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.