The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
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I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
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Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.