first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.