my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!