she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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