You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
