Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
