when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
