just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
