i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
