i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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