So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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