you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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