I just pynch a tree in the face
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
