"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
