Do you still have your period?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
