I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
