u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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