is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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