HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
