i think my mom watched the whole time
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Quick, to the slutcave!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
