great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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