Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm at about main and main street
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
