Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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