Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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