Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
