Actions speak louder than pants.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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