mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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