DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
