I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
