I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Randomize
