I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
