I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
