Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
