The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
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You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
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oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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