is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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