Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
