Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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