Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
