Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize