I wanna passion pit in your ass
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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