Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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