I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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