sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
