Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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