Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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