it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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