When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
