She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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