So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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