Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
