yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
