gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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