Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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