A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
