he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
