im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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