i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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