Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
