You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You ruined the universe
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
