Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
