My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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