At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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