you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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