so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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