Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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