I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
