In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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