remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I fill condoms, not promises.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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