Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
