the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
