I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
