My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I came so hard my ears popped.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
