she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
